OPRAH KRSNA

 by

Crispin Day

Fourth of July: America’s birthday.  The fireworks hissed popped and whistled, historical events were re-enacted, and everyone cracked open a cold one and shouted for joy—typical festive hoopla. But not for me.

While the people around me celebrated the past by waving sparklers in their Old Navy American flag T-shirts, I was pondering the future; reflecting on America’s spiritual journey; the very greatness of a nation.  And then I stumbled on it. I recognized the one thing this country has yet to accomplish if it is to be the greatest nation of all time.

America needs a new religion.        

Every great regime unites the belief of its people toward a national religion.  Yet America has lost the kind of a singular religious expression that would bring us together, give us strength, and bolster our stars-and-stripes identity. The kind of unified chorus of voices out of which empires have been born

It all started out well.  The first immigrants to the “New World” had Christianity’s New Jerusalem motif going strong.  America was the City on the Hill—a new people, a new start, walking hand in hand with Jesus. 

Before long, the flag and the Bible became symbols of one and the same reality.  The president became the symbol of the deity on earth.  The military became God’s army of Christian soldiers defending truth, justice and the American Way.  Manifest destiny.  And that was just the beginning. 

Kids started thinking the virgin birth happened in Bethlehem, West Virginia.  Jesus was a blue-eyed, well-groomed American who was crucified in Calvary, Pennsylvania.  The War of Independence was itself a Bible Story, or at least, George Washington lived in Biblical times. 

America’s victory in WWII and Armstrong landing on the moon simply sealed the deal.  People could feel good in the deepest places of their soul rallying for God and country because they were absolutely synonymous anyway.

Everything made sense.

But suddenly, it stopped working. 

Maybe it was Vietnam.  Maybe it was the assassination of Kennedy.  Maybe it was Nixon’s web of lies.  Maybe it was TV evangelists caught whoring and racketeering.  Maybe it was the religious fundamentalists bombing abortion clinics. Or maybe it was all those things combined with the recognition that everything was NOT all right in America—racial tensions weren’t going away, the crime rate kept rising, political corruption escalated, lies and greed were everywhere. 

Whatever it was, America’s sense of a national religion deflated.  And we have been swimming in a sea of religious plurality ever since.

Good ole’ college experimentation is great for a while, but the time to re-associate ourselves with a “reality-story” is now.  The time is ripe to rally the nation under a fresh dogma.  The opportunity has arisen, and the opportunity has a name: 

Oprah Winfrey.

Oh the sound of it! Now that society has finally given women a voice, they have spoken, and told us that Oprah is the answer. America’s greatness depends on it.   Just consider the options:

The first is Christianity.  While this worked in the past, sooner or later, Americans would figure out that we don’t have a monopoly on the religion.  Christianity is simply too international to claim absolute connection with America, especially since the religion predates America. We’ve outgrown it anyway. I mean, putting aprons on women and starchy moral mandates on the rest of us worked on Leave it to Beaver, but aren’t we past that now? Furthermore, we need something more local.  All the so-called “World Religions” were birthed in the East.  Even the “Western Religions” (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) began in the Middle East.  The goal is strength of national identity.  We need a religion developed and grown on American soil.

This brings us to the second option: doing things Roman style. 

Pre-Christian Rome bolstered a sense of national significance by commanding the worship of the Empire’s leader.  The Emperor Cult made perfect sense.  Caesar lived like a god, ate like a god, unleashed the terror of a god, so why not just call him a god and cosmically legitimize his power and authority? 

As promising as it sounds, however, this would simply NOT work in America.  The moment politicians eat and live like gods is precisely the moment we hate them (or hate them more).  Americans are not about to bow down to fat cat congressmen just because they carry suitcases full of money.  We are more likely to stone them. 

And the same goes for the president.  Our media is just too efficient in bringing us the godlike and not-so-godlike on the evening news.  Watching George Bush puke after a plane ride or hearing the sordid details of the Clinton Sex Scandal have left us far too aware to think of our presidents as gods.

This brings us back to Oprah.

No one can deny that the most sensible place to foster the growth of a new religion is the entertainment industry.  Everybody knows that actors and rock stars have the best insights on how we ought to live in the world today.

Rock songs represent the prophetic voice unleashed against societal ills and despair, yet still offer some semblance of hope.  Movies provide us with a moral framework by which to live by creatively proclaiming the dual values of justice and good feeling toward one another.  Painters, poets, writers, and photographers reflect the same realities in more sublime ways.  All that is wanting is a figure to emerge as Leader.

Enter Oprah.

She has all the media bases covered.  To start with, she boasts more viewers than anyone in America including the president.  Harpo Enterprises produces television, video, and movies.  Oprah is in magazines and has her own magazine.  She can command the literary world simply by adding a book to her legendary book of the month list—making it an instant bestseller. 

In addition to her million-or-so side projects, Oprah now is now traveling the country making appearances at her own Personal Growth Summits.  After proving herself an actor, on top of everything else, Oprah has shown there is nothing she can’t do. 

And spirituality?  As made men in New York would say, “forget about it”.

Everyone remembers to remember their Spirit and has Oprah to thank.  Her “Angel Network” encourages and rewards disciples with the winning phrase, “Use Your Life.”  Her commanding web presence, fawned over by a growing community of cyber-followers, includes guidance on eating and exercising, and provides links with titles like, “Finding your calling”, “Making a difference”, and “Living in the now.” 

Furthermore, Oprah is inclusive as inclusive can be.  Every kind of diversity of spirituality and values are embraced by Oprah’s holistic outlook.  She is a woman and she is black, so minority exclusion is automatically avoided.

Best of all, no one hates Oprah.  Even people who hate her show have a hard time hating Oprah.  She’s perfect.  And so I leave you with an appeal:  As Oprah herself said in an admittedly different context, "I want you to open your hearts and see the world in a different way,  I promise this will change your life for the better."

Oprah for America.  America for Oprah.  The time for new heights is now.

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