The Monk and the Alligator

 by 

Crispin Day

Like some high school football star, Spirituality is hip and gaining popularity in the halls of American society.  Unfortunately, the nature of popularity dictates that whatever is good must be hyped, spun, re-produced, mass-marketed, and that you must sell the shit out of it.  If it is so cool, we all want a piece of it.  Why we all voted for nice-guy quarterback Dirk Reader to be class president I will never know. He didn’t do his last name any justice.  Maybe we thought that by affirming him he would come to our parties and give us tips on what “cool” was.

When it comes to popularity, by the time that "something good" undergoes all the rigors of mass-production, replication, and marketing, so that everyone can have some, it usually loses meaning, and becomes worthless, empty, stupid, and hardly resembles what it began as.

Allow me to illustrate with a parable:

Joe plays guitar.  He hates the music industry and all the greed and consumerism that are rampant in it.  So he says, "Screw 'em," and he picks up his guitar and plays his music in local dives.  He sings about how rotten greed and consumerism are.

Before long, he has a cult following.  Swarms of kids are singing along about how rotten greed and consumerism are. They take it to the streets.  They start telling all their friends about Joe.  A year or two later Joe gets "discovered" and goes on to become a big rock star.

While Joe sells millions of units at Wal-Mart’s worldwide, his songs still “ring true,” packed with references to the rottenness of greed and consumerism.  

All the kids wear over-priced T-shirts and visit Joe’s official banner-filled web site that says greed and consumerism are rotten.  Joe does interviews to promote his next album, and he is always sure to tell everyone how rotten greed and consumerism are.  

You get the point.

Cross reference the hipness of spirituality.  From MTV to MIT, spirituality has gained uncanny legitimacy in our culture.  Even atheists claim be intensely spiritual people. 

Alannis Morriset and other celebs are not the only ones who can throw the word "spirituality" around.  Doctors and scientists in so-called "rationalistic" fields are declaring more and more often that "spirituality" is a matter of great importance.

So what's the deal?  Are people genuinely committed to seeking "truth" (or nothingness) at all costs?  Has humanity begun to care?  Are we taking another stab at the age old questions:  What are we doing here?  What is the meaning of life?

Well, let's put it this way:  If someone buys a mass produced T-shirt made in Indonesia that says "Corporate greed sucks!", does it still mean something?  Probably.  But it sure as hell is a half-hearted effort. 

And so it seems to be with popular spirituality.

I'll even offer myself up as a negative example:  

Over the last couple years, I have found Buddhism to be more and more alluring.  But is it fashion or substance?  Is it because I know the first thing about Buddhism?

The reality is, my attraction to Buddhism has little or nothing to do with what Buddhists actually believe and adhere to.

1.       I like Buddhism because I watched "Seven Years in Tibet" and I thought the Dalai Lama was cool, and I thought the way the Chinese communist government treated the Tibetan Buddhists sucked. 

2.       I like Buddhism because I think the architecture on Buddhist temples in the Eastern hemisphere is funky and cool. 

3.       I like Buddhism because I think the red robes and bald heads of the monks look dope. 

4.       I like Buddhism because hearing monks chant "ohm" on TV is better than most live rock shows I've seen. 

5.       I like Buddhism because I didn't grow up with it and it is mysterious and different and appealing. 

6.       I like Buddhism because the Beastie Boys like Buddhism and I like the Beastie Boys.

Sure I can read a couple of school books and act like I know something.  Sure I can memorize the eight-fold path and learn to say things like, "All life is suffering."  But does that make me a Buddhist? 

Whether it does or doesn't, the premise remains empty.  I want to be a Buddhist because I want a funky red robe NOT because I think Buddhism is true or right or better or even inherently good.

Incidentally, Buddhism became less cool to me when I read that Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys quit snowboarding as part of his renunciation.  Unfortunately, I like snowboarding even more than I like the Beastie Boys.  And so ended my fascination with Buddhism. Authentic spirituality (if such a thing exists) is simply not the American way.  "Spirituality" has far more sex appeal than related words like "commitment", "dedication", and "sacrifice".  "Take up your consumerism and following your desire" is a sweet sounding mantra .

And this provides part of the reason why we never feel the need to argue or even dialogue openly about spirituality as a culture.  Because whatever we believe, whatever we do to understand ourselves as spiritual beings, we all have the same religion anyway.  Namely, we all belong to the Church of Self. 

A very common yet unrecognized source of spiritual sentiment is simply self worship.  According to the tenets of the Church of Self, what you believe is inconsequential.  Truth, and whether or not it exists, is also inconsequential.  Whatever, whenever, however much or little you dabble in spirituality, the point is that you please yourself.  Serve your god through the pursuit of happiness, the accumulation of wealth, fame, sex, and power.  And if necessary, hold onto some vague idea of "spirituality" to convince yourself you have depth of character.

Popular spirituality can be a lot like plastic surgery: it gives us a necessary lift but it doesn't really change anything.  We don't want to be on the side of truth.  We want truth to be on our side!  We are the deities!

The TV evangelist slogan, "God has a wonderful plan for your life!" was a brilliant invention.  It says, "God will play for your team if you join our church".  That's exactly the slick crap we love to hear.  These Brill cream preachers seem to have missed that the Bible's heroes were people who suffered and were usually killed for their spirituality (Jesus, Paul, Peter, John, etc.)

So which is better?  Self-love or truth?  Maybe they're not mutually exclusive and it's a moot point.  But I conclude with a Beastie Boys album title:  "Check Your Head"!  Do you have a soul, or do you just wear the T-shirt?

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